Robber hits an easy target

In crime news, a robber who targeted the Mennonite settlement of Springfield off the Hummingbird Highway made what is no doubt the easiest heist in his career. According to police, on Sunday morning a man described as Hispanic in appearance, dressed in camouflage and armed with a machete and handgun, approached fifty-one year old John Guenther and demanded money. Guenther had empty pockets, but not to worry, he visited a nearby church where parishioners apparently collected the sum of one hundred and twenty dollars, which was bestowed upon the Sabbath visitor, who promptly took off. Citizens of Springfield and a number of other small Mennonite settlements around the country take a very strict view on the practice of non-violence. While this may make them loyal followers of their religion, it also makes them easy targets for criminals. Police, as they say, are investigating.