Alcohol not a factor in traffic pileup

In crime news police have released the blood tests administered to drivers of vehicles involved in Monday’s traffic pileup on the Northern Highway. They report that no driver had blood alcohol levels above the legal limit. Two witnesses report that the accident, which has left a young girl in critical condition, was caused by the erratic driving of Director of Public Prosecutions, Kirk Anderson. The elimination of alcohol as a factor increases the likelihood that Anderson’s loss of control was due to a diabetic seizure. The D.P.P. has not returned our phone calls and it is unclear at this time if he will be charged in the incident, or who will pay for the considerable damage to the vehicles and their occupants.