Red Flags of Partner Abuse: Isolation from Others; “It’s All About Us.”

With domestic violence allegations forcing the Leader of the Opposition to step down, the spotlight has been on partner abuse and victim blaming, especially on social media. This morning on Channel Five’s Open Your Eyes, psychologist Dr. Annel Martinez spoke about how abusers begin to control and isolate their partners, even from the start of the relationships. She also spoke about why some victims choose to stay, believing their partner needs them to help manage their anger, or in her words, “fight their demons.”

Dr. Annel Martinez

Dr. Annel Martinez, Psychologist

“You are starting a relationship and there is this level of intensity that could be a red flag. I’m not saying all intense relationships will turn abusive, but that is how it starts. I am showing you that I love you and you are the best thing that happened in this world, just before I start to isolate you. So I want you to spend more time with me because you are supposed to love me, you are supposed to want to be on the phone with me. You are supposed to want to talk to me, you are supposed to be checking in on me or checking in with me about your whereabouts. Guilting me into you should spend time with me and not your friends, we are in this relationship together now–it’s about us. Let let’s you start to cancel any engagements you might have with your friends, with your family. […] It turns ugly. He starts yelling at her, breathing up in her face, talking down to her. Then he apologizes. I didn’t mean to, it’s because of my trauma. They blame all these other things, for the root cause of their relationship. It’s not about you; it’s what I have been through. And that puts the person in a situation where they feel like I am the strong person who has to keep my dysfunctional partner grounded. So they find a sense of purpose in that relationship. Because I have to help him or her fight their demons.”